Don’t Speak
Originally posted on Facebook on February 17, 2016 (thus why wrote about planning to have a child that turned out to be Remy), only see it once a year in my Facebook memories so I wanted to give it a more permanent home here
This note may be triggering for some so please take caution when reading it …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
For the past six months I have been experiencing something that I have kept mostly under wraps. It is something that can explain a great deal of things I had been experiencing through my life. It is something most people do not speak about because some people (including myself) feel ashamed over it or do not want to upset others. But I think it is something important to speak out about. Starting in the end of August, I started remembering instances of being sexually abused as a child by my grandfather {edit: meant to write that it was my maternal grandfather, I happened to have had two paternal grandfathers (through remarriage) who were the most loving, caring, kind men there could be and I do not want them to be mistaken as the evil man who abused me, end of edit}. It had started out as a few pictures in my head to now many fully fledged memories. Since remembering I have also developed PTSD. The memories probably came back at this time because I went off medication (and still am off medication) about 3 weeks before I remembered and I was (and still am) planning to have a child. I am sick of being silent over something that has affected me so much and (as I have been told) is not my fault. I think keeping quiet is what perpetuates this crime and not telling is what I was told many, many times during the abuse, but I will not keep quiet anymore. I can only speak for myself in this matter though, there has been many rumors for decades as to who the man who was supposed to be my grandfather abused and I know I was included on the list for many people and I had no memory of it at the time, it is hurtful to speculate and do not want anyone to speculate because of me sharing here. I also am not making this statement to get others to share their stories; I am only sharing for me, not to start a movement. First I was told to be quiet, then my brain kept these memories quiet from me for decades, then when I was first processing all these memories I kept quiet about it with most people, but I will be quiet no longer.
